Which came first? The obeying or the feeling like I want to obey?

I have been struggling lately with the whole idea of obedience.  In an ideal world, I should appreciate what God has done for me so much that I cannot help but want to live a life worthy of my appreciation.  We don't live in an ideal world. I live in a world that pushes me intentionally away from appreciation of Jesus' sacrifice on the cross.  Whether this push comes from within me or from outside forces, the constant is always to push away from appreciation and towards created things.  When the prophet Nathan confronted David with the sin of murder and adultery, God said "Why have you despised me?". 

To add to that, we live in a culture that tells us that if we don't feel like doing it, don't.  Instant gratification is the ultimate goal and is celebrated.  In fact if you tell someone that they  cannot be instantly gratified, they feel that their rights are being imposed upon and you are discriminating against them. 

So how does this fit into obedience?  This again is from Rosario Butterfield as she reflected on her experience leaving the LGBT community that she had been part of for many years and submitting to God and her local church.

"I learned that we must obey in faith before we feel better or different.

At this time, though, obeying in faith, to me, felt like throwing myself off a cliff.

Faith that endures is heroic, not sentimental."

 

 

To me the word obedience has a tone of doing something even when we don't feel like it.  I find that in my life if God is pursuing me and drawing me closer to him, He is digging into the deep parts of my heart that will require me to obey..... in faith.